gratitude

i am grateful:

~for the brief visit from the biggest star in this universe to my backyard. dear sun, i missed you. not like i did that year you didn't visit vancouver for 28 days straight. but its been many the day since we hung out. thanks for showing up.

~to have a space to create in and to have a wide open weekend day coming up to do so.

~for cyanotype and it's magnificient blue. that color has really been calling me this year and to be able to make art in it...oh my! Also, for discovering sunprint paper and all the experiments that have occured with it.

~for e-courses and the way they are making art more of a part of my daily life

~for the lovely people i've been able to connect with lately.

~for my new (to me) pretty cherry blossom coffee mug. coffee tastes extra good in a purdy mug (it was 75 cents).

~for magnolia trees. my gratitude for them is tenfold. there is nothing more beautiful to me than magnolias in late afternoon light (perhaps you've noticed my obsession). though cherry/apple/plum blossoms run a close second.

~for clarity about the goodness in my life. absence does make the heart grow fonder.

wholeness braided together

[photo from signs and wonders flickr photostream]

During any of the meditations in the Creative Goddess E~course in which we'd meet our healer, our wise self or even seeing myself in it I noticed a common thread. Each time she would have these two beautiful braids on either side of her head, down to about her chest. I took note of it, and wasn't surprised by it because I've always loved and wanted to have long braids. I remember craving to have them quite early in life in fact.

I didn't really think too much about this common thread as having any symbolism until Saturday when I was working on a writing assignment for the Unravelling E~course (I'm all about the e~courses these days). In the writing assignment we're asked to write a fairy tale of ourselves....once upon a time there was a....

While taking the train downtown for a day of wandering I started writing and then there it was.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful woman with 2 long braids coming down past her shoulders and paint splatters on her worn hands. Each third of the braid held the memory of who she was and who she had been. Her youth and its struggles, her identity as an other, her mothering self and her story of becoming a mama, her ancestry and family stories, her loves found, lost and found again and her artists self. Every morning she retied each braid together, grounding her in her whole self.

The story continues from there, but this is the part I was very struck by. My symbolism of my guide self having braids isn't simply an aesthetic notion, but a yearning to feel whole. I've struggled in my daily life and even here about how to tie all of those parts of myself together. I have my pride for being part of the queer community and also my hope to find love in a fellow and have babies. I have the girl who died her hair pink years back and the woman who still wants to feel seen but not for what she makes people look at but who she really is. I have my Leo boldness and my socially awkward self. My craving for community but my vital need for time alone. It feels endless sometimes how dualistic my identity feels. I know we all have these conflicting sides of ourselves.

When I have my critical brain switched on I get frustrated at all these pieces and stuck in how they seem to conflict. But they don't. They are all a part of who I am. I just need to be willing to braid them all together and trust that they are all destined to be a part of who I am. In reality, when I grow my hair out my braids aren't plentiful, or even. There's hair sticking out and they get smaller as the hair gets longer.

I just have to trust that the braids of my identity are beautiful in their wholeness.

As are yours.

Short Learning Long Recognizing

Dzeju Iziase (Short Learning Long Recognizing)

You have to know
before you can
You have to be able
before you create
you have to find new roads
and short is the learning
and long is the understanding
you have to be able to pass through
a lot of smoke
to see the fire.
~by Aspasija (Translated by Ellen George, my Grammy)

The poet is an anscestor of ours on my mom's side that is a poet, playright and feminist. The poem was sent in a valentine's card from my lovely mom.

World's Smallest Postal Service

Worlds Smallest Postal Service (WSPS) from Leafcutter Designs on Vimeo.

I'm head over heels about this! World's Smallest Postal Service. Thats just brilliant. I just finished ordering a World's Smallest Birthday Card for a dear friend back home and can barely wait to go see this artist, Lea Redmond, in the city and order another letter (in person they are handwritten). Her other work is equally lovely...I especially love her Earrings for Spontaneous Seeding!

love day

photo by bloemetje

how to have a valentine's day in which you barely even think about the fact you are single

1. go to an event based on love and compassion.
2. receive at least a dozen hugs at said event. more hugs that you've received in ages.
3. be in the company of wonderful people, both new friends and strangers.
4. cry your eyes out at moving stories about people being accepted, loved and not afraid to be who they are.
5. buy a beautiful book and spent the next few hours reading about authenticity, courage and love.
6. drink an incredibly delicious fancy drink that gives you the most perfect happy buzz and makes your cheeks rosy.
7. follow the droves of people holding pillows to downtown san fran for a pillow fight.
8. immerse one's self in taking photos of said pillow fight. get feathers in your hair and smile big.
9. settle into your rocking chair and find yourself filled with gratitude for such a lovely and unusual day.

cyanotypes and other things of beauty

i've gotta tell ya...i'm making a heck of a lot of art these days and falling pretty head over heels with some of the stuff i'm trying. quite a bit of the art i'm making is with crayon or paint while having further conversations about the intricacies of star wars (of which i still have no clue but really like talking about the force) with a 5 year old. i kinda think this is a pretty great way to explore one's artist self. as saying or even thinking about self-critique just doesn't fly when in the company of someone who is just getting in touch with themselves as an artist. i often hear from us adults that someone once critiqued us or said something about our art that blocked us for years. the last thing i want to be in this world is that person. quite the opposite. i want to make someone else believe in art. and in them self as an artist.

when not working with crayon or washable markers, i'm taking this mighty lovely course at the California College of Art called Alternative Photographic Processes, which is working with a few of the techniques developed before the contemporary methods of printing photos. this is old stuff. beautiful archival techniques. and i'm falling. deep. we've started with Cyanotype prints which are this gorgeous blue color (if you're lucky) and heading on to Van Dyke Brown, Gum Bichromate and finally Salt Prints. had their not been a shortage of old polaroid film these days we'd be doing that too.

our first printing class was an unusually grey morning which made developing UV prints difficult, but useful experience for someone who mostly lives in a very grey city this time of the year. we worked hard all class preparing paper, which involves coating them with a combination of two chemicals, and then printing them using the sun. it took vastly longer to make each print (30 minutes as opposed to 30 seconds) so the teacher offered that we could bring the frames and are prepared paper home with us to use on a sunny day. talk about dreamy! the last two days have been sun~city and i found a sunny moment to try it out for myself.

turns out we also had some sun print paper, which is essentially cyanotype paper prepared as an activity for kids. so my art buddy joined in on the process. we prepared our frames, mine with a negative i'd printed onto acetate, and on his some light sabers and we stepped out into the sun.




after a few minutes we brought them both in and rinsed them out with water, then hung them to dry on a vine outside.



the deep blue has me swooning. i'm excited for the other processes too, especially as they are even more archival, as cyanotypes fade (not forever though) when displayed in bright light. i remember these prints from visits to the art gallery when i'd have to lift a black cloth from the front of the old photo to see it. i'd write down the names of these techniques on gallery visits, wondering what they were and how they differed from darkroom printing. turns out i was destined to find out.

abundant inspiration 2

in these months that could be titled 'finding myself as an artist' i'm seriously blown away by the abundant potential of creative inspiration. my time in internet land feels much more nourishing than usual while i search out inspirations to help me on my way. a random google search led me to the above video about Maya Hayuk, and since watching a whole shwack of videos on her website i pretty much think she's beyond rad...the way she talks about art makes it feel really accessible. plus i love the way she speaks about her favourite medium being the one she's doing at the moment.

its crazy beautiful to finally listen to that inner voice that really wants to be an artist as well as a photographer. who knows what i'll end up making. who knows if it'll be purdy or just a hot mess. i'm incredibly excited to soon be sharing a studio with 2 other lovely ladies for the rest of my time here. i'm trying to speak very kindly to the pessimist in me that attempts to whisper 'but you're not really an artist' in my ear on a regular basis. but oh dear pessimist me...i don't really care what you think. i've seen far too much proof that following your creative urges can lead to great things to listen to you.

when not ignoring my pessimism or taking pictures, i'm busy with e~courses and a really fabulous class on doing alternative photographic printing, an upcoming silkscreening class and i'd like to take every course that RayKo offers, but I'll have to pick one or two in the end! i'm also deeply in love with the East Bay Creative Reuse Depot. Its a big store packed full of everything imaginable to make something out of...yesterday I found an old Holga there for 3 bucks with a half used roll of film in it (needless to say I'm just aching to process it and see what was on the first half).

i hadn't really had any expectations of how life would go down here, i just kind of had a good feeling about it.
i'm truly blown away by what the last month has brought...it almost feels like i've made more progress in the last month on truly embracing life than i did in the last year. a change of scene seems to have been the perfect catalyst for this...kind of makes me want to keep on city hoping, but the sweet meow of little kitters far away can't help but call me home. plus i think i want to give vancouver another try!

so, here's even more of what's got my creative heart swooning...the paintings below were all discovered during my exploration of the many floors of the SF Museum of Modern Art.


Richard Diebenkorn, Berkeley #57


Robert Rauschenberg, Collection


Robert Rauschenberg


Christopher Wool

jedi artists

he tells me i'm an artist. i tell him the same. then we stop talking, pick up the brushes and paint in silence for a little bit. until one of us laughs, makes a mess, a mistake, or he wants to tell me something about how he's luke skywalker and how darth maul killed general grevious. i smile and listen and pretend i'm princess lea with beautiful long braids curling above my ears, as this is the kind of thing luke skywalker and princess lea would talk about.

i really love big kid art time. he's 5 and i'm kind of 5 at heart. we see what each other are doing and try out a cool new way one can make circles with your brush or try out how the other one painted a cool pattern on their canvas. we usually end up having something similar in what each of us made, but each piece is also totally our own. when it is not silent, or star wars dialouge, i find myself talking about how we are artists. how making mistakes is just part of making art, that perfection can be a mess and that all we have to do to be an artist is to just do it. that the moment we pick up a brush and start, we are.

he usually laughs at how long it take me to finish a piece i'm working on. by the time i'm done he's usually done a second one and then gone onto a crayon drawing of yoda fighting darth vader. we're both each others teachers and we're both each others students. our regular art dates are filling my heart up pretty full these days. but i don't tell him that part. 'cause girl gushing isn't really cool if your a jedi. and we're jedi artists. we swing a pretty mean lightsaber and a paintbrush and we've got the force in our hands.

appreciating the present

i feel like i'll look back on these days as of romping around san francisco solo with a sigh and a smile. most days i don't actually feel lonely lately at all. some times i wish i had a hand to hold, but generally i am just trusting that everything is happening as it should. that learning to love life alone is part of my journey. that finding contentment, even happiness in being alone is something worth being proud of, and especially trusting that i will find love. it was the last few years of holding my own loneliness in my hands and trying to come to terms with it that is making these days of feeling fulfilled, truly happy, and still solo, all the more beautiful.

views and gratitudes

grateful for:

~the most lovely nia class this weekend. a truly incredible teacher. dancing to kinnie starr music in class. bliss in bare feet.
~walking adventures, taking pictures every block
~how beautiful the rain smells here
~big kid art time with my fave 5 year old
~today's forest walk. saw a heron, hummingbird and a lil' turtle.
~the view's from the berkeley hills
~quiet moments
~seeing one of my favourite musicians after about 10 years of musical appreciation.
~going solo to two concerts and feeling really strong about it. except that i forgot my new motto of 'less shy more sass' in reference to the handsome guest mando/violin player. sigh. working on the sass. there will be sass this year i swear!
~a photoshoot with a rad new friend (pictures to follow)
~pretty pretty (and cheap) shoes
~golden hour and the way it looks on flower petals.
~consistently kind smiles
~learning the bus system around these parts
~spring in january
~serendipitously meeting people when i least expect it. unexpectedly running into an old friend from victoria (b.c.) at a concert, running into a lovely person who's blog i've read for ages. i'm won't be surprised at all if such incidents continue!
~taking a one day break from my dairy free life. smoked gouda and goat brie. beyond delicious.
~this adventure i'm on. i'm only 3.5 weeks in and its already shifted me.

abundant inspiration

is it just me or does there seem to be sooo many e~courses offered right now! perhaps i just never noticed them before or maybe its a new trend (i use the word trend in the best possible, least trendy way) in the creative blogosphere. if only i could take 'em all...but that would be a full time job (though it sounds like a mighty good one).

here's a few that i've come across:
~leonie's creative goddess e-course
~rachel & elsie's online class

there's others who are potentially thinking of creating an online class:
~kelly rae roberts is pondering doing a course...head over to her blog to give imput on what you'd like to learn from her...collage, how to run a creative business, a workshop on her new book and more...
~a certain wonderfully talented photographer that i don't think has officially announced that she's doing the e~course, so i'll wait until she does...but i tell ya...i'm 100% in!

and of course there's always lots of free projects or groups to join in on...365 or 52 weeks on flickr, or here's a few new one's i've been hearing about:
~the portfolio project
~emily's 52Q project
~the 12 secrets of highly creative women

as mentioned, i decided to take goddess leonie's e~course which started a few days ago. when she first announced it a few months ago i signed up as quickly as i could. mainly because of these two reasons:

first, in my heart of hearts, i want to be an artist. i want to make work that is colourful, emotive, sometimes beautiful and maybe even innovative (that word seems to want to be in there, so i'll let it) art. today i spent an hour with a 5 year old pal just playing with crayons, acrylics, watercolours. it was truly heavenly and i felt as equally empowered to make art without self-critique as i was trying to help him be. i don't know what potential i have as an artist in mediums other than photography and i'd like to give myself the opportunity to see! taking a course by someone who has put so much beautiful energy into discovering herself as an artist is really a place that seems perfect to start.

second, i believe in leonie. i first came across her long long ago when we were just wee one's at the online community of Planet SARK (then called Camp SARK). i was rather quiet on the message board and read more than i posted, but over the years I witnessed from afar the lovely leonie discovering her creative self, posting about it, starting her own business. so when she came up with the idea to run this course, there was no second though. i was in. as there had been a decade of growing belief in her.

so far in the course i'm completely blown away. i had high expectations and i must say they are exceeded already! its really sparked a fire in me, as you might have noticed!

i'm adding to my creative goals today the decision to join in on the idea of the portfolio project. surely making 100 works of art will help me find my inner artist and i think the timing is perfect right now to dive into exploring my creative self, as i'm feeling more alive and present than i have in a long time and mighty full of hope. i don't take for granted the work its taken to find happiness again. now time to put that happiness into images and canvases, glued on sequins, self portraits, macro flower images and whatever else my heart desires!

creative possibility

The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself.
~Alan Alda

Conditions for creativity are to be puzzled; to concentrate; to accept conflict and tension; to be born everyday; to feel a sense of self.
~Erich Fromm

The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there.
~Monica Baldwin

All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.
~Pablo Picasso

Creativity arises out of the tension between spontaneity and limitations, the latter (like the river banks) forcing the spontaneity into the various forms which are essential to the work of art or poem.
~Rollo May

zebras rock. so does art.

adventures galore have been occuring. seeing live penquins being fed, having butterflies almost land us, seeing t~rex bones, hanging out in beautiful parks, checking out different parts of town and yes, seeing zebras (not real of course, but enough to make a 3 year old squeal). i'm also mighty happy that i went into the city mid week to see a vancouver pal play a beautiful show, with an opening duo of violin and cello which were stunning. i highly recommend checking out rae's music and videos. i have a few concerts next week that i'm incredibly excited about, Kris Delmhorst as well as Coyote Grace, both artists/groups don't tend to tour in Canada so I'm pumped that I can see them here.

tonight was the first night in ages that i've actually sat still long enough to do some photo editing and goodness me it sure does fill me up with creative delight. when i first learned photoshop i was really surprised to find that i really felt as though i could connect with the magic of creating, as i had kind of assumed that the fact that the computer was my creative tool would negate that timeless, intuitive experience. thankfully i was wrong and though the taking of the pictures is my main creative outlet, the processing of them runs a close second.

i've also got a pile of creative supplies: pastels, acrylics, canvases and a new art journal that are patiently waiting for me to stop taking off on adventures and to connect with them! i'm so excited to be taking Leonie's Goddess e~course and can't wait to delve into it. these sunny days are perfect for laying a blanket out on the grass in the backyard and making a beautiful creative mess!

Leonie posted the most wonderful Creative Manifesto on her blog this week that i just love:

Creative Goddesses make art because it fills them up with joy and light.
Creative Goddesses believe mistakes are sacred and add to an artwork's story and perfection.
Creative Goddesses aren't afraid of making art that doesn't Look Good.
Creative Goddesses don't make art for others, they make art for themselves.
Creative Goddesses make art that is true for them.
Creative Goddesses don't need no stinkin' outside approval.
Creative Goddesses make art that doesn't need to look like anyone else's.
Creative Goddesses trust in their intuition and vision to make *their* art as it is needed in this world.
Creative Goddesses listen to their soul's calling.
Creative Goddesses dip their fingers in paint.
Creative Goddesses know the power of soulful creativity.
Creative Goddesses remember that every person on this planet is an artist, a Creative spirit, a soul who needs love, joy, creativity, laughter and connection just as much as water and food.
Creative Goddesses do it messy. And gladly. And reverently.
Creative Goddesses share their art when it is right for them, and hold on to the medicine of their art when it is right for them.

The Creative Goddess is inside you.
She is inside each of us, everywhere, all the time.
We only need a moment to hear our own grace and magnificence.

~Leonie Allan

magnolia at golden hour (and other things of beauty)

in vancouver my favourite week of the year is the one in which the magnolia trees are blooming. it such a heart opener to see these gorgeous white or pink leaves tight in a bud emerging out of their fuzzy casing to be these decadent big blossoms. during that week i'm almost always to be found under a magnolia tree at golden hour.

it had been a more challenging day than the blissful days of late, as i'd accidently glutenized myself and hadn't been able to pull off the wandering, walking, exploring that i've been doing lately. who knew hummus had a chance of containing wheat (actually it had tamari/soy sauce...which i find to be the most challenging thing to avoid in this gluten free journey as it sneaks its self into so many foods)! so a bit frustrated, i was lying down for a bit of a rest when i saw the golden light coming in my window in that just perfect yellow tone i jumped up without thinking and ran out of the house towards the cemetery nearby and the most beautiful magnolia tree. a great reminder that i don't need to only be a tourist of the grand but also of the little things too.

and this is what i found:

my heart is healing with every kind smile

I often feel invisible. For most days of my adult life, I have felt that way at some point.

Its a peculiar invisibility. Last year at a gathering of ladies the subject came up of how the more curvaceous we became (also known as fat) it felt like there was a magic number at which we became invisible. Depending on height the number varied, but it was generally around a size 14-16 where we all perceived an invisibility cloak being thrown over our heads and we felt like we disappeared from the sight of men, except those with very creepy energy that seemed to find us to be magnetic.

Up until that point I had thought it was me. Why do we do that....think that in a world of 6 billion people that we could really be the only one to feel a certain way? But I did. Since puberty I've been one curvy girl. When the ladies spoke about this magical number where invisibility took over I felt seen. Of course there were those who could see beyond the invisibility cloak, but it felt like those were few and far between.

For so long I felt like I must just not be sending out the right energy, walking with enough confidence, or maybe there's just something I don't know that other women do. And unfortunately, the way it goes with women and their confidence it all seems to come down to 'something is wrong with me' and embodies itself in us as shame.

But this isn't meant to be a pity post. Because something is different now.

These days, travelling in the states, I feel seen. The other day I wrote in my journal

"I feel seen as a woman".

I've felt it every time I've been to the states, that the cloak of invisibility is lifted. I wonder why. Is the 'magic number' just higher? Is it just more fat-friendly here (media wouldn't make you think so)? Or am I just finally exuding confidence?

But every day here, when I walk down the streets near where I'm staying I feel seen. And its not that I feel like I'm getting hit on, or that its even a gendered experience. Every day I feel seen again and again. By kind eyes, connection. I'm 31 and I have felt invisible for 16 years. My heart is healing with every kind smile.

this beautiful place

though i'm getting used to it, about a half dozen times a day i suddenly have the realization that i am in california. i mean, it is January 6 and to my body/psyche i should either be knee deep in snow or puddles. somewhat unfortunately, that realization usually brings this song into my head. For some reason that song got into my head way back in 1988 and has never really freed me from its clutches. I'm hoping it'll lessen its hold as the excitement of visiting here gets a wee bit less shiny and new!

the weekend brought more exploring of both the east bay and of san francisco. i did a full on tour of san fran...the mission, the castro and my favourite...haight~ashbury. i love the colourful buildings, gorgeous architecture and yes, even the ginormous hills. watching the movie Milk right after visiting the Castro was perfect as I had just seen the setting where all of that history took place.

the next day brought more walking, this time from oakland to berkeley, checking out all the neighbourhoods and popular streets i'd heard about. maybe i was just sore from the massive amount of walking i've been doing, but thus far berkeley hasn't really swept me away. or at least compared to the piedmont and rockridge neighbourhoods in which there are so many kind smiles, cute shops and so much delicious coffee that i think i could be happy ever after there.



but i did have a mission in berkeley, to find the place that i'd heard of so much in SARK's books...cafe gratitude. now, i didn't really bring the address but remembered the street name so when it came to finding it i was way past hungry and fully tired. but finally in the distance there it was, this sign saying "what are you grateful for". at that moment, all I was honestly grateful for was that i could stop walking! once i got in there, sitting at a big table, brick walls, lush pillows and a fully gluten free menu, my gratitude started to grow. i had a mighty delicious meal and couldn't resist partaking in a lil' desert goodness.



I'm finding that I'm able to shift out of the hibernation state i've been in during this last year and to get that extra push to actually go to out and explore this place every day. i'm still following my intuition of course, like tonight when I was craving a yoga more than a silkscreening class, but i'm glad i'm able to really jump into pretending that I live here during my visit.

perhaps its the sunshine and extra vitamin D people get here, or the beauty of life in the east bay, or just cycle of postive energy that happens when people like their life, but i'm finding folks here to be pretty darn lovely. not a walk down my favourite street goes by that there are not a dozen smiles or nods hello from people passing by.

or maybe its just that i can't stop smiling.

adventures in berkeley

i woke up in california really early this morning, after arriving pretty late last night. i could barely wait for the sun to rise so i could see where it was I had arrived to. once the day was in full force i went for a walk in the rain and was awestruck at what grows here. down the road there is a blossoming magnolia tree which makes me swoon. i can't get over seeing cacti and that there is a lemon bush in the back yard. is this place for real?

i've been determined to get a sense of place today so have walked for hours and hours checking out different parts of oakland/berkeley. my total highlight of the day came on my last walk when I stopped at a place called Bittersweet. As I got my coffee I realized that the 5 gigantic canvas' on the walls were sabrina ward harrison's work. I was mighty starstruck by the paintings (not the above ones, but some rich burgandy/brown gorgeous works of art)...i've seen so much of her work in her books, but it was jaw-drop amazed to see all the textures and see the rawness of her work face to face. they took a long time making my coffee which was perfect 'cause i just wanted to stare at them.

the air here is so beautiful. i haven't quite figured out how to describe it. maybe its that there is so much blooming and my winterized senses had gotten used to the somewhat monotonous smell of vancouver rain that there is so much to take in, my senses are going wild.

my last walk was in the late afternoon and i can't tell you how lovely it felt to be seeing everything in the rich light of golden hour. in montreal it was more like a golden 10 minutes, so i just basked in every minute of it. i really love being in a place for the first time. time feels like it slows down, my senses are so acute and i just generally feel mighty alive!

i think tomorrow i'm going to venture over the bridge to san francisco. if anyone has any recommendations of things to do/see/experience in s.f. or the bay area i'm all for recommendations!

p.s. i'm overjoyed that the ever lovely Caroline (she who makes beautiful videos) has decided to blog! Her blog is already packed through of artful goodness and I hope you pop over there to say hello!

dear year

dearest year gone by:

i have the photographic evidence of the goodness you've given me.
i've been perusing it lately, amazed at how much beauty i've witnessed.

you've been a gentle year. slowly pushing me to take steps towards my dreams
but giving me the space to let myself deal with some growing pains.

mostly i just settled further into figuring out who i am now that i know what i'm not anymore.
it was a bit of a process but worth the work.

and i'm starting this coming year, jumping right into the change i want to make.
i'm ready for a courageous, adventurous, open hearted year.

i'm looking forward to trusting more (trusting my intuition, trusting others, trusting the universe)
to letting go, to living more and more and more.

its time for a little less gentleness and a little more newness.
its time to be more myself and less scared.
its time for less staying put and more dancing through life.
its time to be more open and less worried about the outcome.
its time to let myself be beautiful and not shy away from my uniqueness.
its time to shake it up, to push myself, to risk more for the sake of a full heart.
its time for less shy....more sass! (if i'd have to make a mantra for the coming year...this might have to be it)!

dare i say it, dear year to come....i think you have the potential to be one damn good year!!!

love vivers

december views: xmas

simple. replenishing. quiet.

not really words one would likely relate to christmas holidays, but thats what it has been. i can't remember the last time i've had so much space and time to relax to this degree. often in the morning i'll get up really early to drink coffee and visit with mom and then climb back into bed for a whole lot of reading. before it got all icy there were lots of walks and skiing. we also kept it really simple gift wise this year. just one person to buy for, picked randomly in a draw, a decent amount of money to buy that gift with but far far less than what one would spend on gifts for each family member. though the scene under the tree was sparse, it felt so good to keep things simple. mom still did the stockings but also kept it pretty simple. we don't need a lot. we're lucky in what we do have and are all trying to not overconsume.

speaking of overconsuming...perhaps its time to write about food. while gifts were kept simple, food was plentiful. we're quite a collection...2 celiacs (one of whom is dairy free), 1 Dairy/Sugar/Yeast-Free Eater and a Vegetarian. My mom worked wonders and made a christmas dinner where all of our plates were full. Gluten~free stuffing, the best potatoes ever, turkey, a big salad, squash, a mushroom gravy and a meat gravy. My belly and I are so grateful for having yet another Gluten~free Christmas.

its been a bit wild around here as I've come home accompanied by my two wonder~cats and my brother came home with his bff cat, a kitter like no others (who happens to be the size of my cats put together). after a day of them all hissing like snakes, they've become one big happy feline family (much to our relief).

i hope your holidays have been beautiful!













see other december view participants listed here!

december views: montreal style

montreal highlights thus far:

~brunch at aux vivre with the fam. vegan deliciousness. i especially loved that they served coconut milk with the coffee, all warmed and frothy! i never pondered that as a dairy substitute for coffee and it was just dreamy!

~a visit with old friends. I love the comfort of being around folks that you've known for a while. big hugs and catching up totally hit the spot. also meeting my first blogger pal in real life!!! J of Wonderings and Wanderings was just as lovely in person as you'd think she would be from reading her blog! it was so good to be able to chat with someone and say things like 'shutter sisters' or '50mm 1.4' and not have to explain what you're talking about. I think its mighty rad that we would have probably ended up at the same gathering yesterday even if we hadn't figured out how small the world is and that we have mutual friends, but even better to be able to actually meet someone via blog~land and then in real life!

~inches and inches and inches of snow on the road into where my folks live. especially when combined with snow tires and 4 wheel drive. i haven't seen this much snow in years! i'm loving it, especially admiring the snow from somewhere warm!

~making a much needed stop at a photobooth while waiting for my train. my self portrait journey began years ago by visiting photobooths very regularly until i finally got a camera. i remember finding a black and white photobooth at a metro station years ago....and am hoping they haven't gotten rid of it...seems like a good challenge for a photo~adventure!
any montrealers know where i might find one?

~the pile of movies mom and i are slowly working our way through (and surely we'll restock once we've seen all these). last night watching chocolat was the perfect way to end a snow stormy day!

~putting on the weepies sunday morning and having my parents break out into a full on dance party to the song 'all this beauty'. well, mom was serious and dad was joking (i think)! they are pretty darn lovely people. i'm a lucky kid.

~a walk today with my mom, both in a nearby park and on the trails behind our home. i'm a city dweller but a country kid at heart. I was having a very sensitive morning, but all was put into perspective once i was knee deep in snow, walking through the forest.

~oh reading...i don't know if i've read this much all year. i'm reading Water for Elephants by Sarah Gruen and am loving getting lost in tales of the circus. many hours have been spent in bed lost in my book...that what feels most holiday~like right now...having the space and time to do one of the things that makes me the happiest.