Saturday, July 30, 2005

my naked neighbours part II

No one was actually naked tonight, so far, but the same neighbours.
They are hosting a post-modern party tonight and I came home to find a humongous crowd of people surrounding my house. By the road was a girl spinning glow in the dark blue poi, and probably 60 people hanging off the porch and back yard (which is tiny by the way). I pushed through the crowd with my bike heading towards the stairs. At the stairs sat about 3 people to each small step, rolling joints, smoking buts and sitting drunken on their asses. Note: it is a post-modern party so people were in costumes I cannot even describe, burlap sacks, bubble wrap, anything you can think of. I pushed on with my bike, irritating the guy rolling the joint yelling "could you wait a minute?". Another guy said "Why don't you just leave your bike down there?" "Um, cause I live here?" I retorted. Note: I was rather proud of myself for my semi-aggressive behaviour, feeling the right to do whatever I wanted at my house. After safely storing my bike I emerged back down the stairs stating that I was done being a bitch and ready to joint the festivities. Inside it was fucking packed. They did a brilliant job. The kitchen was covered in newsprint, a vagina made of tule was the gateway to the dance party room, another room was black light glowing, yet another covered in white plastic. Brilliant job naked neighbours.

After about 10 minutes in the packed place I was about done. Outside the house the cops had shown up (surprise) and were making everyone go inside. I've gotta say I haven't got a complaint in the world about this shindig (once my bike was safely away that is).
Outside my window I can see every pole in a two block radius has at least 3 bikes locked to it. And I swear, I can't hear any noise at all that would lead me to think there are still at least 150 people two floors down. I'm gonna miss this place.

So no nudity, but much excitement. Here's hoping the cops don't come back (for the sake of my drunken housefolk). They are doing a good job of ushering people back in the house as they slowly flow back out to the street.

Oh fernwood. I will miss you. And my naked neighbours.

Friday, July 29, 2005

harry potter and the librarians daughter

all day i've been total a.d.d. girl...two minutes of dishes, 10 minutes of harry potter, 3 minutes of folding laundry, 8 minutes on the computer and on an on. And then the last 2 hours and last few hundred pages of the half-blood prince were the total opposite...completely in trance, power reader, focused girl. Drastic change, but the last chunk of a book has a way of doing that to you.

I remember when I was about 12 reading Jean Littles autobiography and staying up all night, literally to finish it. We were at a cottage in Southampton and I stayed up, perched under a little lamp, not willing to enter the sleep state I love so dearly until every detail of the book was explored. Quite opposite books in most respects but two hardcore nights of reading to remember.

I love youth fiction, and not just harry potter, as these kind of books bring adults into the space where most youth fiction does, where they are their vulnerable teen selves, playful kid selves. Everyone I've talked to that hasn't read harry potter, hasn't tried to. I know there is a media hype and all, but they are books! What harm could it do to get immersed in magic? Don't wait for the movie people...movies don't challenge you to visualize the settings, what the characters look does it all for you. What world are you gonna create if you can't imagine it?

Yes, I am a librarians daughter

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

birthday highlights

-driving/singing/bonding with another dear leo, eliza
-the new beautiful painting my mother made for me of a moonlight dragonfly fairy
-watching lady and billy (elliot) and their excitement at the new empty box they got for my birthday to play in (after the mom-presents were removed from it)
-my bro iain sending me all the cd's of his music (my brother is brilliant)
-singing my mother happy birthing day, attempting to overpower her version of the song and hearing the story of my birth again
-walking out of the bathroom to a table full of beautiful people singing my h-b-day...(i had ordered my chocolate cake subtley to avoid the restaurant-round-of that certain song...but they still got me)
-listening to the everyone discuss how they know me and first met me (a leo on her birthday is allowed to be that self-centered for the day)
-hand feeding my friends stake and watching their blissfull meat-eating faces
-my new smoking lily uterus purse
-eliza's digital camera and all the beauty it captured
-feeling truly blessed

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

ladybug and elliot

Two people have asked me the question "when you move, will you bring ladybug and elliot with you?". As much as I truly adore the people who asked me, I think it is the strangest question. Yes, I'll let them out on the roof, drive away waving, and wish them well?!!! No bloody way.

I fall deeper in love with my cats with each day. They are my best friends, my companions, my favourite listeners, my lullaby and my alarm clock, my family, and my loves. I hope to fall again for a human to the depths to which I love my cats.

So, yes, I will be bringing my cats. Would you leave your children behind?

Sunday, July 17, 2005

so alive

i stood by the railing on the ferry deck on the way home. the sun inched to sleep. the wind was so warm and aggressive. i started crying, for about the 6th time this weekend. the tears, like the way my body didn't even question that it was meant to dance, were so welcome. I have been moved to tears by the music this weekend. the sadness i've been setting aside due to the 9-5 found a safe place in the music. i danced dripping with sweat and tears.
i have never had such a beautiful cry.

the moment i arrived at the stage i tossed off the shoes and put feet to grass. i danced to spoken word, trumpet, sax, dhol, drums, guitar, voices, hip hop, country, funk and silence. I saw friends I haven't seen in five years. I met beautiful people. I spent time with three of my dearest dearest friends. I had beautiful connection with all of the people I had wanted to spend time with there.

fruit was brilliant. so was d'bi young. shane koyczan. the dhol foundation. kate schutt. ruthie foster. jacob cino.

i danced to almost every beat you can imagine. my entire body hurt from moving in unusual ways, whichever direction my feet felt like flying, whatever movement my arms felt like making.

i cried under the biggest blue sky. the music had been rising the emotions up all day. Fruit played a beautiful song called Cherish about a friend who had died of breast cancer. At the end of the song, they got us all singing with them "I see everything beautiful" I sang so fully. The fullness with which I know I can sing, but hold back. And so it released. Later in the day I was watching d'bi, shane, jacob, oliver schroer and kate schutt. If I hadn't of known it was a workshop stage, I would have thought this crew was a band...they were that tight as a collective. shane did a piece which spoke of lonliness and he said this one line which was something to the effect of "there are 6 billion people on this earth and you couldn't find one person to help you". And I lost it...just wept. For those who got to that place and made the choice to leave. And there i sat in the widest bluest sky. feeling so fucking alive. and sad, angry, strong and alive. The next song got everyone on their feet and I danced with tears just dripping down my face. Dancing while my chest heaved and I just fucking wept. I can't even explain how beautiful that felt.

i ate cherries with a friend. We both would take the first bite, then gaze at the centre of the cherry, at how deep red it was and perfect it tasted, before devouring the rest and spitting the pit out with vigor. perfect cherries.
i was drunk on cherries
drunk on sunshine
drunk on my friends
drunk on music
drunk on barefeet
drunk on beautiful people
drunk on coffee
drunk on dancing
drunk on being alive.

i am sunburnt. windblown. released.
i can't even put this weekend into words. on the ferry ride home i bought a trashy magazine to use as papers and wrote memories, song lyrics to be, journal entries and stories in the margins, to be ripped out and put in my journal.

alive i sure am. nearing 28 years of it.
so how am i going to live rest of my years
making sure i feel like this? cry like this? sing like this?
good question.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

my shoes have holes in them

I bought a pair of holey shoes today and I can't take them off.
They have little reflexology points in 'em and they are super comfy.
I know they are uber trendy, but I couldn't resist getting a pair for this weekend, as they are easy to slip off for some barefoot-dancing and I can't stand those sandles that go between yer toes. Those and toe socks...I can't handle them.

I am not sure if I can take these shoes off. I pretty much don't have could shower in them you know. Awh, work may not like 'em (too funky?). Yes, I will take them off to sleep. And I'm pretty sure I won't make it through the summer without buying a bright pink pair.

Yes, you can call me a hippy.
And yes, you can call me a trendoid.
But I think this one is happening for good reason.

Friday, July 08, 2005

my mother i like blogging again. its not that i didn't like it yesterday, i just don't think it should take the place of my pen and paper journal. But thats not what i intended to tell you today...the story of the day is all about my lovely mom.

my mom called 3 times between 7:30 and 7:32 this morning. I climbed out of the loft bed stumbling towards the phone hoping that it was someone from the east coast calling me, cause if it was someone in B.C. i was worried i'd be a rude pre-coffee vivienne, as they really have no excuse to not wait until the reasonable hour of 8 a.m. to call. but luckily it was my mom, Christine, up at her cottage in ontario. My mom rocks...she was missing me so much that she had just called Via Rail to inquire how much it would cost to take the train out to Vancouver. She was thinking about spending a week on the train to show up here on my birthday morning! Gad, the thought alone makes me cry...let alone if my mom really did that! Seeing that it is peak season it would have cost $4000! She said 'Could I have stayed with you once I got there? Cause I'd be out of money!' I assured her she could have stayed in my pseudo guest room, the futon under the loft bed. We could have drank tea and read books. But I assured her that I will come home soon and that although the notion is lovely, I think she should not spend $4000 to surprise me on my birthday! You see I haven't been home in a long time and it hurtin'. After chatting with my mom for about an hour, she was okay with not hoping on the train in a couple days and I assured her she could call me anytime of the day (which she does anyways) if she had the urge again to spend way too much money to come see me! Oh, I love my mum...she makes me feel pretty blessed and is definitely one of my best friends.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

at the click of your fingertips

sitting here trying to put to words why i feel sad i was struck by the realization that my positioning in front of the buzzing box, away from the flowers all over my house, the cats purring on my bed, the painting i'm working on, and the guitar waiting to be strummed....that reaching for this clicking keyboard as my medium for expression may not be the ideal context for me. it may be for you. but i think it may be more part of the problem than where to look for the solution. so i am typing slower, standing up, kicking the chair away from the desk towards the sewing machine....looking for the pen, eyeing the journal and getting ready to press 'shut down'. time for me to get back to the things that make me feel real.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

the pride vibe

it was queer pride day today. This day usually overwhelms me, what with 1000 people marching through the city and then gathered in a field. I have crowd issues. Not so much the amount of people, as much as the social demands that come with it. Usually I spend the day having 1 minute conversations with almost every queer or queer+ person i've ever met in this city...and with most of these people i'd love to sit and extend that 1 minute into 20, but it isn't really what tends to happen. This year it wasn't so bad....recovering from the flu left me feeling really gentle with myself today, really clear on my boundaries and kind of spacey. But you know what...I didn't really feel too connected to my community today as a whole. There were many lovely moments and people, but to be honest I'm feeling clearer as time passes that I am ready to leave this town. It felt like something, or someone was missing. and they were.

folk fest is warming my heart. Jorane played tonight. Tomorrow will be brilliant as well. We also went to the Teatro Circo (the circus stage) and watched some great acrobats and these amazing performers called Lelavision. They were phenomenal...doing this modern dance/acrobatics while creating music on the most unique instruments ever. ooo la la.

so...i'm not necessarily not feeling the pride vibe. I did get emotional when the queer pagan crew marched by in the parade, and pflag always gets my emotions flowing. I just think I definitely need a break from this town, need to have space from it so i can miss it.
As distance does make the heart grow fonder.....

Saturday, July 02, 2005

the flu

i think i have the flu. i woke up this morning feeling nauseous and as the day proceeded different symptoms showed up...aches and soreness everywhere and then the chills.
yes, i am wimpy when i'm sick.
i had to pry myself away from the prospect of going to folk fest tonight. i just can't do it. but if last nights show with the pocket dwellers and sweatshop union. Monday night is K'OS and K'naan...which i'm so excited for.
I'm feeling minorly better at the moment, having recently puked up my hemp protein shake (darn.) Its strange that one feels better after puking. I'm sipping on a greens drink trying to settle my tummy but the nausea is slowly creaping back. Its pride day tomorrow too, and i'm gonna drag my sick self down there even if i'm puking on the side of the road (don't worry, i don't actually mean it...i'm too wimpy for that). Here's hoping for this stupid flu to be gone by dawn!