Monday, August 27, 2007
at the end of high school we had to write our goals beside our photo in the yearbook. i wrote something to the effect of: to live a long and happy life. as soon as i entered it i felt embarrased. i didn't have goals like my peers did. i was going to university, but not because i was inspired to, but because that was what was expected of me. for years i struggled with that same question...what is your goals....trying to find an answer that would sound good in an alumni update. vivienne became a ________ and has ________ and _________. i have had no success with that question.
subtly in the last year i have stopped trying to answer it. i have stopped telling my parents and people from my past what my latest academic plan is. i've planned to become a midwife, teacher, nurse and counsellor. though many of those areas do interest me, i was stating these plans out of expectations, not because of personal passion.
maybe it has something to do with turning 30, or perhaps it is from coming out of a depression, but i have realized that my highschool goal was nothing to be ashamed of. it was right on target.
my life goal: to live a long and happy life. and proud of it.
to me this means to live creatively, to eat delicious and nutritious food, to find joy in each day, to be active, to celebrate down time, to listen to my intuition, to cultivate healthy relationships.
thats why that decision yesterday (by my health benefit company) frustrated me so much. because they think that just because i weigh 195 pound (yes...i said it) that my length and quality of life is in detriment. they have no clue. they have no clue at all.
i've worked really really hard at learning to love my body. what happened yesterday will not damage that love.
today i went on a fabulous bike ride through the endowment lands and around ubc. it felt so great to be surrounded by tall old trees, moss, beautiful new growth and fallen trees. it was exactly what i needed to both get the anger and frustration out of my system and to ground myself in the day. my bike and the trail filled me up again with the life force. i'm thankful for the day.