surrounded and supported

So, I'm a witch.

Just in case you didn't know.

I feel like what i write on this blog only really captures one element of who i am. That said, what i am drawn to write here really feels like it is nourishing and encouraging my authentic self.

Still, there are so many sides of me I keep fairly private.

That said, I'm not kidding about the witch part.

6 years ago I was initiated into the thirteenth house mystery tradition, which is based in victoria, british columbia. when i moved away from victoria to vancouver, I left behind a really wonderful collection of women that I miss dearly. We circled monthy for the full moon and for many years we did what is called the 'tree of life chakra process' in which we spend a month working, meditating, processing in each chakra. i love that process and it has become something really integral in my life.

i've been living in vancouver for more than 2 years now, and i haven't initiated any connection with the wiccan community here other than to attend some public rituals. each year when i go to the samhain ritual it hurts my heart that this part of my life isn't at the forefront anymore. I don't even really do solo rituals except when in nature and the moment strikes me.

last night was the 15th annual reclaiming spiral dance and ritual in vancouver. oh i love this ritual. its so powerful and the spiral dance is an experience that i can compare to no other.

one of my favourite parts of the ritual is when we remember our beloved dead. we do a guided mediation in which we have the oppourtunity to connect with these beloveds, whether they are an anscestor or someone you knew who had passed on recently or long ago.

i'm not the best meditator and i tend to 'think too much' in this meditation rather than let it flow. but this year was different. as soon as the guide led us to the place where we would meet this person i was overwhelmed with the energy of my great grandmother, someone i truly adored. thats the best way i can describe it. i don't know if i was actually connecting with her spirit, but what i do believe i accessed was the essence of the love between us. i loved her so much. that love doesn't die. one of the most beautiful lines that is said regularly in this ritual is

'what is remembered lives'

and that i so believe. my love for gaggy (thats what we called her) overwhelmed my heart and tears dripped freely down my cheeks. two words clearly emerged from this meditation.

surrounded and supported.

i can still feel it in my heart. the ritual is an amazing place for us to mourn, unabashedly and publicly. there are a whole lot of tears shed. they speak the names of the newly born and the recently passed. there is also a whole lotta joy, so much play and an abundance of beauty and connection.

after the main ritual we began the spiral dance. i don't know how many people were there this year, but i suspect a few hundred. during the spiral dance we pass by each person a number of times. we are encouraged to make eye contact and i so love that. giving and recieving connected eye contact between perfect strangers is such a profound experience.

i felt so surrounded and supported.

after the ritual we feast on food that everyone brought to share. and feast we do.

i feel such healing from the ritual. more than other years by far. i so needed it and ache for more of that energetic space.

the last few days i have been more social than i've been in months. and i don't feel so overwhelmed by it. i will continue to take lots of alone time, but i do look forward to the connection that i'm gratefully soakin' up right now.

i want to end this with the words that we sing during the spiral dance (we probably sing it about 500 times!). As we began singing these words i realized how much they were actually a mantra in the last year of my life, though i didn't conciously intend it as so. Each day has felt like a new oppourtunity. Each change or broken chain has been a darkness i've worked through back into the light. And it all has been with the purpose of living more conciously awake.

Let it begin with each step we take.
Let it begin with each change we make.
Let it begin with each chain we break.
Let it begin everytime we awake.