Monday, June 11, 2007
We sat around a small table, candlelit, with potato salad, ginger carrot soup, lychees, watermelon, brownies and wine. It was the first of an intended many gatherings of a collection of women brought together by their identification as 'femme' women.
This city has recently opened its arms (and its heart to me) and I back at it. After 2 long years of solitude, my world is opening up again and the sweetness of connection is even more beautiful now because i was so clearly needing to be able to spend time in the first chakra, working on connection to myself before i could move on/up.
One of us asked 'What is your dream job?' and there began a confessing around the table of our most lovely dreams of our futures. Beautiful confessions our little/big dreams, none of which are far from reality. When it came to me, I wasn't sure what was going to come out of my mouth.
"I want my primary job to be as a mother'. There it is. My secret confession and though everyone who know me knows that I want to be a mother, what people don't know is that it is as exciting to me as being a teacher or a ceo or a doctor. It is intellectually, emotionally and spiritually inspiring to me. A confession such as this felt so great because for the last decade i have been so caught up in trying to figure out what i should 'become'...and though i want the most prominent unpaid job possible....i like my new dreams. It doesn't stop there though.....I have snippets of other dreams integrated into this one. I want to make art, make music, bring them to the world. I want to develop skills in helping professions, maybe counselling. All I know for sure is that I don't plan on working for the man ever again. I have a taste of working for myself (and contracting out) and it is a lovely life.
I won't pass on the confessions of others. I wasn't sworn to secrecy, and they weren't even said as secrets, but that time at the table felt so sweet and lovely, I want to let it stay there. I am so looking forward to this new wave of happiness in my life. It tastes delicious