Exhaustion, Cry, Work, Sleep, Cry, Cry on the Bus, Work, Overjoyed, Cry, Cry, Calmness.
There is so much from my day that i wish i could just let flood out of my fingertips right now but i can't. Some out of respect for myself, some because its too personal, some because its so exciting and i just can't tell you (sorry...i'm working on keeping secrets).
Some of the crying sessions, particularly the 2 at the end of the day, were in response to courage and emmense pride. I came across this youtube post and it just blows me away. Paul is so earnest and so incredibly beautifuly talented. It is not hard to connect to his humble hopeful dreams and when he opens his mouth to sing its like this force of beauty emerging.
the next cry wasn't too long after. a dear sweet friend of mine is a budding rock star. right now he is playing the 'True Colors' Tour with Cyndi Lauper, Debby Harry, Margaret Cho, Rosie O'Donnell and many more. I checked out this clip of the finale of one of their shows and watching this clip especially at the very end when Cyndi shouts out DON'T BE AFRAID and they all raise their fists. Thats it...i start weeping. Every time. I am so incredibly proud of him. Lucas is the first transgendered frontman signed to a major label. I've been enjoying reading up on how the tour is going, especially this post on their myspace blog. Check out the post called 'on being transgendered'. He is an amazing musician, a humble role model and he and his lovely ladyfriend h are two of my favourite people who walk this earth. I feel so blessed to be witnessing his success. It is oh so deserved and I can't think of anyone better to spread trans awareness, simply by not being afraid to be who he is. (He's second from the end on the left by the way, being hugged by Margaret Cho).
You know how sometimes you sit down to write something and don't quite know what it is about until it all comes together? This has been one of those moments. I have spent a lot of the last few days trying not to face fear but invariably living in it: fear of being hurt, fear of living with an open heart, fear of being exposed as my messy messy self. But here it is. I'm getting ready to crawl into bed with two lovely cats. Getting ready to wake up to a better day.