Friday, April 18, 2008

leaving the land of anxiety

i've spend most of my non-working waking moments this week bonding with photoshop. the continuous learning that is the world of becoming a photographer really played out in these past few days. one of the things that makes me more sure that i want to spend my living doing this than i've ever been about anything before is that i'm continually challenged and humbled while gaining confidence at the same time.

anxiety was at the forefront of my learning this week. i'd be waking up full of worry. after visiting the land of depression and coming back from it, i've been very committed to removing things and practices in my life that create anxiety. mini step by mini step i've been getting rid of these little things and big things on the master to-do list of my life. i've been known to self-sabatoge and put things in my own way. removing these self-imposed barriers was more than an easy task. and now i've found that i have what i crave, which is a simple yet rich life. thats not to say i don't get anxious at all anymore, but its not a constant state. who wants to live like that?

so when i was waking up each morning this week, stressing about every little thing, i quickly lost track of what goodness i have in my days. i've had a lot of post-production work to do this week after doing a wonderful photoshoot last weekend with a local burlesque troupe. it was gorgeous and lovely and unique and by far the biggest group of people i've ever shot pics of. but the amount of pictures i have of this crew was vast! you see i am a 'clicker' you could say. i don't thoughtfully compose pictures, i just go with my intuition and shoot! i really like it that i get lots of authentic pictures and it really feels like we are both just experiencing the moment. that said, my gigantic memory card and i both get a bit overwhelmed once we get home.

the big learning this week has been around prioritizing. i don't have to give every person i take pics of every shot, only the ones that take my breath away (which there are usually plenty of....i have some gorgeously beautiful and authentic folks to take pics of!)

i started working on the pictures and became so overwhelmed. i was sucking the joy out of something that i find really lovely. some pictures don't need to be fixed up at all, some seem to crave texture, others have good content but need some lovin'.
so i've been trying to approach it like i do taking the picuture. stop thinking too much about it and just play. so much beauty comes out of the place of play and isn't that what being a creative being is about? as i approach turning this into a business and not just a hobby, i'm glad i was reminded this week of how to leave the land of anxiety and return to the place of play.

i wish i could share some pics of the shoot with folks but part of my agreement with the troupe is to just use them on my website. i'm hoping to get my website up by my my birthday month of july and take the leap into promoting my business.

yummy yummy messy life!

1 comment:

megg said...

giggle - i loved your last line - yummy yummy messy life - sounds like the title for a wonderful book!!!

It's the truth though - and don't worry, we are all messy too!!