ebb and flow

i'm a grumpy girl this week.  feeling much like i did when i wrote this post last november.

feeling like i could use a good cry, but am always kind of halfway there

mostly i just made a number of small mistakes in not expressing my needs this week that kind of came together in a big ouch-fest.  re-learning all the time how to keep healthy boundaries.

one of the biggest lessons this week was about asking for what i need.  i asked my parents and brother to check out my new website and give me feedback and constructive criticism. just as i requested, they gave me some feedback about what wasn't jiving, all things that i had also had been trying to figure out if i should change.  but as soon as i got the feedback i realized i had made a mistake.  what i actually should have asked for was some positive feedback and what i really wanted to hear from them is 'we are so proud of you'.  but i didn't ask for that, and i got exactly what i did ask for.  i need to be clearer with my heart.

so i'm feeling tender, trying to re-negotiate expressing what i need to people.  its tough work. when i went through my depression i really didn't ask for help much.  but now that i'm out of that state i so see how important, and okay it is to ask for help.  

~i need support from my family

~i need friends to meet me halfway at least (i mean energetically, but also geographically...i live on the opposite end of town from most of my friends here and every so often i really need folks to take the lovely bus ride out here to visit me, rather than me always meeting them on their turf).  

~i need to take more time in the coming week to just be alone

~i need to prioritize my creative ventures....they make me feel so alive.

its all ebb and flow, ain't it.