Still soaking up thoughts of all the loveliness I experienced at a fundraiser last night. I tend to keep a part of myself away from this blog....and for that matter from a certain portion of my life.
I guess don't want any assumptions made when I talk about being queer, because for me queer is a really wide open word and my love in this world is wide open too.
But today, my love for my community is overflowing:
I wish you could have been there. To hear local super talented author Michael V. Smith. I wish I could share his words with you but I wouldn't dare misquote them. Plus, you'd need to hear them come from his mouth, standing there on stage in a wedding dress, speaking of loneliness and shame and courage. I wish I could show you how when he finished my eyes were welled up with tears and feeling like he had spoken to a very tender part of my heart. I looked aroun to seem my community of femmes sitting around me with their teary eyes, clutching their hearts too, and i felt less alone in this tough city.
I wish I could show you how a courageous a performer got up on stage and spoke about the two sides of themselves. They struggled mid performance, losing their place. I wish you could have felt the support in that silence. It was so tangible and so full of love.
I wish you could have heard how loud we shouted when three performers slowly removed binds from their bodies, signifying letting go of shame. On the binds were written things like freak, faggot, slut. I wish you could feel how empowering it was to watch this. I wonder what is written on the binds I have wrapped around my body. What about yours?
I love the beautiful sacred space that is created in a room of people who all want to be respected on their journey to live and love authentically.
I love that spoken on stage was thoughts on loneliness, shame, yearning to belong, the different sides of our selves.
I love how much courage I witnessed. Standing on stage baring your truth. Phenomenal.
I love how diversity is celebrated. I love how I see a fabulous woman on stage being sexy and fabulous and realize that she has a very similar body to me. I feel mirrored and empowered.
I love how for one night being cool seemed to have been checked at the door. Folks felt so kind and welcoming and present. so refreshing!
I love how proud I feel about this part of my life. I think about how it has molded so many good parts of my life. Seeing beauty in diversity, accepting myself and others, challenging gender norms and loving the masculine and the feminine in people.
I love how at home I felt. I've been looking for that in this city for a while. Even if it was just for one night, it healed me a bit.
I love my community. I will always be queer. Even when surrounded by my future babies and the man I love (if that is what the future holds for me) I will be queer. Because being queer isn't only about who you are attracted to.
To me it is about finding your freedom and authenticity.
To me it is about finding your resilience and courage.
It is about remembering who fought for their lives just for the right to love.