Monday, May 05, 2008

finding love in my life

i remember the first time i fell in love.  i was 19 and it was love at first sight.  

in that first year i so recall us coming to points every so often where it felt like we were moving to a new level.  or perhaps it was like taking layers off of an onion, getting closer to the center. i still have a sensory memory of how that felt.  how i knew that we could always go back to the playful unawareness of the 'level' before, but it was never quite going to be the same because we were going to a more aware and more fulfilling place.

coming home from my photography class tonight i felt a familiarity to that time.  this intermediate class is going to challenge me, make me more knowledgeable, bring me to a more intimate place with this art form.  i felt my heart swell, truly falling even deeper in love with seeing the world through the viewfinder.

it was a jam packed 3 hours of learning and i can barely wait to dig in deeper and progress.  in the last month since my last class ended i felt the lull...felt kind of stagnant.  i've always been way more of a self-taught person and have never had the best relationship with being schooled so it feels lovely to be soaking up schooling in a new way.

the life force has returned!

its been important lately to notice and welcome love into my life.  since that show last week it when it felt like 'loneliness' had been spoken aloud i've felt a bit less lonely.  i've also decided to be wide open to where life might take me next (especially geographically).  and since then, since realizing i likely won't be in this city long term, since becoming open to a greater happiness in my life, i've been feeling much more present in the love that is here and now.  

other things making my days feel hope-full and love-ly:

-waking up from a love-filled dream this morning. every so often i fall in love in dreamland and get to feel that love transition the space between dreamlife and waking.  i had to hold off on my beloved morning tea just to offer more space for that love to exist.  though i'm starting to think it is going to be one of those lucky days that i can keep connected to that space until i go to bed again.  do you have those dreams that you just can't shake all day (in a good way)?

-visiting selftaughtgirl's lovely blog and reading a comment she made about my photographs!  how wonderful is that to find out someone you admire thinks you do rad work! thanks kate!

-working on a collaborative art project with my lovely friend zinnia.  we're mapping out our plan and its going to be fabulous.  likely i will share lots more about that here, especially some of the writing prompts we are doing to get inspired.  

-the preview for the movie 'the visitor'.  i woke up today to a slightly grey day which makes it the perfect day for a movie!

-the fact that it is bike season again.  me and the divine purple bike of gloriousness have been going on daily rides and as much of a mode of transportation as i can.  my body is much appreciative.

-the fact that my term project for this class involves lots of photo work based around difficult lighting...part of which is taking pics and dawn and dusk.  being back on planet night shift, i am often walking home at sunrise and i've been craving to get out more to take pictures at dusk.  super excited for this project!  apparently i'm going to need to take my tripod and camera everywhere i go!  

wishing you love in your week.


emily said...

when i read your posts, i think, wow! she has such a delicious life! but really, it's your outlook on life that makes it so wonderful, isn't it? it's like you make this conscious choice to experience the beauty of the world with all of your senses. and because of that choice, beauty abounds. it's drawn to you because you are drawn to it. thank you for inspiring me to give it a try!

Ladyv said...

thanks emily for such a sweet comment!

its so interesting to read someone else's perspective of you through your words. i tend to think i'm such a worry-wart-too-hard-on-myself-silly-lonely-girl but i do have this other side of me that is soooo commited to living life deliciously and it feels really wonderful that you honoured that with your comment. much thanks!

Harmony said...

Hi Viv,
love the new banner. I always know where to go if I have the need to read some beautiful prose written by a beautiful friend.