Monday, November 10, 2008

living in love

i heard someone say this the other day 'i want to live in love not in fear'. those words have been sinking into my skin and have become a bit of a mantra to keep me present during my days. almost everything in my life that I am not content with is based around fear, whether its worrying if i will find love again, body image, social acceptance...all stem from a place of fear. so i've been trying to put this practice whenever i start feeling the fear rise up.

there are days that i just feel the essence of love, breathing it in and out, feeling in my heart that i am smitten though there was no object of my affection prompting that feeling at that time. on those days i find it so easy to be present, to give, to connect. but these days come and go. i just hope to find ways to bring myself to that place. and sometimes it might be like my morning run was today...brutal and hard to keep going but once you push through you just get to a place of calm and just experience it.

its the way this sentence calms me. 'i will live in love and not fear'. for each of us it may be different words that bring us back to the path we want to be on. right now, right here...i think i've found mine.

***it feels peculiar to write this after spending 2 of the last 5 years in a depression. now that i feel relatively happy most days, i'm seeking even more happiness, when in the past all i wanted was to not feel sad. but we deserve all the happiness we can manifest for ourselves in this lifetime***

i took this photo for the courageous living project which is organized by the lovely kate swaboda (who's blog is wonderful. i really love her honesty about her journey...i think she's very courageous). i've been painting quotes that move me on my mirrors for a long time and am enjoying a revitalized focus in mirror messages! i encourage you to try it! I have this message on the full length mirror that stands near where i get dressed. its a great reminder to be kind to myself when i look in it.

yesterday i read this post called ...the next single thing, by jen gray. now, its quite often that a blog post nearly brings me to tears, but this one brought me past the verge into full on tear~land. she wrote these words that speak to my heart so strongly right now. to take the next step that keeps me true to my heart, that aligns me with love and spirit...and trust that all will work out. her reminder that
"if you knew the final destination, you would rush to get there and miss really crucial scenic routes along the way" was just what i needed to hear right now.

"love is at the end of this trip.
i promise you that.
and i swear to god you will never
be so thankful and so aware of
how this journey will give you your life back.
the true life you were destined for"

these words get me all choked up every time i read them. love is at the end of the trip and love is here now. it always was and always is here. i spend so much time worrying/fearing that love will elude me, pass me by, never find me. the thing that speaks clearest to my heart right now is to leave that fear and try, and then try harder, to find the love that is here in my life already, that is here in my every day, that is here in me.

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