Sunday, October 24, 2004


today one word was said that drew massive amounts of fluid up to my eyes and nose
ready to pour out in streams from both orfaces.
i held in in somewhat until i got home.
i'm not gonna tell the whole story because its not really the point. but it is good to recognize when we are being triggered. it allowed me to be present in the moment with my emotions but to also look at it in the big picture. it isn't really about that one word, the person who said it, or the context it was in. it is about why that comes up for me.
where does it fit in with the map of my life.
these are all concepts we are exploring in this lay-counsellor program i'm taking. but i got to experience the real thing today. real life emotion.
issues can lay dormant for years and then burst out in a second.
pretty overwhelming.
in my state of disarray i called a good friend. she helped me put it into great perspective. she brought up that a mere month ago i had spoken to her i didn't want to replay my trapped negative cycles anymore, like what came up today...issues of self-sabatoge in success, not letting myself reach my full potential.
i hadn't realized that i had actually asked for todays emotions. i asked for this change to occur in my life. i asked to establish new patterns. today my emotions were an alarm bell telling me that i was heading towards my old patterns. today was a challenge to see if i would listen or if i would hop right on into the cycle i've been in. thank the goddess for tears! thank the gods for friends who listen. and thank the universe for its ways of supporting and challenging at the same damn time!

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