epiphany

i hate the word epiphany. but that is not what this post is about. i'll save that for a day i feel a bit less empowered and a little more bitter. that is not today.

i've been staring at the computer far too much...working on my thesis for my diploma, in which I am developing a childbirth education series. the epiphany came during this proces... it had a similar feeling to one i had about 8 years ago. that one was while on a two week kayak trip on lake superior. one day while having a hard day paddling i was thinking about all of the diverse things I had done so far in my life and how they all came together. and then it all clicked. i knew what i wanted to do with my life....and what stood out was the common thread throughout my experiences that I had never noticed.

8 years later things have shifted. i am not in the outdoor education field which I had studied for years. i've been pretty hard on myself about that. after leaving tbay I didn't want to talk/hear/read about outdoor education again for a while. and then five years passed. in those years i've been constantly studying...everything metaphysical, herbalism, counselling and now the perinatal field at GBI.

oh...so yes, the epiphany. i realized today as i was preparing my childbirth education series that what I was doing was experiential education....and preparing a workshop brings me back even earlier to high school...when i co-led a number of workshops....its a returning to self. i had felt like that self that lived in tbay had disappeared from the community that is me. she was hiding out.

in the same vein of thought...this week i wrote a song about the first time i fell in love. i have not been able to write about that moment without the song ending with 'and then you broke my fucking heart and i'm still mad at you". but i've come to a place of forgiveness in the last year with that relationship...and then the song came out....just that moment in its perfection....

these are both returning to the girl from tbay. i've missed her.

on a completely different topic: my teenagecrush-like infatuation with mel watson of the band fruit has flared up again. can you blame me?