wide open to it all

sigh.
a bit more time for words this morning.

there are a few nuggets of loveliness in the form of books that i got my lil' hands on (shaking with excitement). The first is a new book by keri smith called Wreck this Journal. Its full of creative ideas in their most raw form...getting you to do it, make it, mess it up, rip it, spill it. Creativity in its messy glory.

Here it is mere minutes after making it mine (and the wrecking had already begun):



my other 'hands shaking with excitement' purchase was a book by nikki mcclure.



She makes these powerful and intricate paper cuts. Please take a look at her work. Its so amazing. Along with the book, I also got a couple cards and posters as well as a zine. So inspiring!

I'm nearing the end of my time in Portland. We have already discussed future plans for my return which include staying for a few nights on the coast.

Its been so intruiging, because the moment I got here I felt right at home in the city. I have not felt at home for even a moment in vancouver...that is except for the folk festival but that is more of an 'experiencing of home' than an actual physical place. I mean, I enjoy my home there, what the city has to offer, the beaches, the trees. But you know that right to the core feeling of being at home. On a cell level. I don't feel it there.

That said, what I do feel in vancouvs, is that I am meant to be there. I have no doubt about it. Had I been in a place for the last 2 years that already felt like 'all was good' I would not have been able to deal with all the underlying issues that came up from my psyche and asked me to change. Either that or I would not have been able to appreciate that 'home' feeling, because I was not at home in myself. So while vancouver still is the place I want to call home, it feels so beautiful to know what else is out there. I'm just aching to travel more. To keep this feeling of wide open right near the surface.

The countdown to folkfest is getting close. I'm so looking forward to my bare feet dancing by the stage. The last few folk fests have been a bit rough. Last year I was having a really hard time in the summer....so it was a feeling like 'its folkfest...why is this, my favourite thing, not even enough to make me feel happy again'. The year before was the year my friend Alex died. So folk fest was bittersweet. She used to come to folk fest, so it was a place I related to her, but not only that, it was that i just felt so alive...and was so sad she wasn't there too. I cried a lot that weekend.

So here it comes, and my spirit hasn't felt this joyous in a long time. I've been trying to just enjoy everyday of this life I have. Its gonna be grand!